This past year’s journey was a long and difficult one for me. I wake up now and look in the mirror and I don’t really recognize my own eyes. They have a new wisdom that was attained, and not at all by peaceful methods.
This past year was a long journey through darkness, and just now I am beginning to see the sliver of light breaking into my space. . . or is that just my own hopeful soul wishing for it.
I believe that we live our lives in continuous spirals, both up and down. Some spirals descend to the deepest dark of our heart and other times we are peaked at such shear joy we have to pinch our selves to be sure that this is “real”. For the most part I think we live along a rolling hill set of spirals that carry us through one peak and valley toward another. The ones that really dive and soar are the ones the open us up to self discovery, and they can be painful and blissful at once. This last one delved deep.
This past year held quite a lot of power within it and now that Imbolc is here I am kind of afraid to open my eyes. I know that the world is different for me this year and I hesitate what the future holds for me. I notice that I cannot sleep at night and I lay awake in the darkness. Once the sun breeches through the night though, I seek sleep and don’t want to deal with my day.
I would not say it is depression or even denial, it is in fact, my way of facing the reality that is now mine, it is my DAWN.
Facing the music, waking to a storm, the shrill of a trumpet. That is the uncomfortable feeling I carry within my being as I greet each new day. The anxiety of what awaits because the past year was full of change, deceit, revelations, bitterness, disappointments, and sadness for me. What was wasn’t really, and what is real is not as I’d hoped. Or is it? It’s a dream and a nightmare at once.
In any case, it is time to wake. My soul needs a strong cup of coffee and cold splash of water. Imbolc is early spring, so I hope that it’s promise of rebirth and newness is true and that I can find it within to march forward toward the light, toward a new day, toward the peace I seek.