I was sitting in a holy place, listening to Steven Halpern’s healing notes, his fingers cascading across the keyboard soothed me. I enjoyed floating through the array of colors passing through my consciousness, the music lifting me and vibrating minor aches and pains away. The swell of joy I began to experience pulled the corners of my mouth upwards and I began to smile.
Then the horrid beast of my nightmares came bulldozing its way into my thoughts.
Isn’t this supposed to be healing me? I thought to myself.
Suddenly, a pitch black curtain crossed my visual entertainment, shutting down the harmony I was reveling in.
HOW DARE SHE!!! I screamed in my head. But dared, she did and as I sat there, eyes closed, now a tight lipped smirk on my face I knew I had to deal with her.
Then before I could complain and whine, conjuring pity for myself for the damaging experiences this person thrust upon me and the anguish I apparently continued to harbor, a veil of green colored hues began to bleed through the blackness. A green so pure, like the color of newly sprouted blades of grass, or the tender young colors of the redwood tree’s new growth, alas, the color of healing enveloped my being.
I am pretty sure my jaw dropped.
This event was so unexpected! It’s been six months from Vernal Equinox until now, and I guess I yet have work to do. Leaving wasn’t enough, I suppose, and now that I have had time to do some untangling, it is time for the healing to begin. First on the list is forgiveness.
I forgive myself for staying too long
I forgive myself for allowing to be treated in damaging ways
I forgive myself for wallowing in pity instead of fighting back
I forgive myself for trying, wanting, and begging for change that would NEVER come
I forgive myself. I forgive myself.
I hear a whisper in my ear…. “Forgive her.”
First reply, “To Hell with that that, to Hell with her.”
A heartbeat happens.
Okay. You’re right, I agree with my higher self. I try to sneak in a, “I forgive her for being a total moronic, bullying – ” but my higher power wags a warning finger at me.
Again, “You’re right.”
I forgive her for the pain she carries and spreads. I forgive her for not doing the work to heal herself.
But I absolutely will not forget to stay clear of her for the rest of my days, because I DO NOT NEED ANY SHIT FROM HER, I sneak in at the end.
“And what else?” The whisper challenges.
Do it with great volumes of love. I know, the green you wrapped around my soul is the color of the heart chakra, the healing place, and only love can heal, for LOVE is all there IS.
The second thing I must do is to allow it to begin.
I’m grumbling, but I vow to do this work. I heard the message and I must do it for myself.
Blessed Mabon to you and to me.
As the Goddess Wills, So Mote it BE!!! xoxoox
Here is the link to some wonderful healing sounds… check out Steven Halpern